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I have been close companions with a woman, who has overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle disappeared during that time, as they were focused solely on him. It shocked her. She made more effort to be my friend, likely understood better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many of her friends have drifted apart without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us left the workforce leading to more each other more, but I am finding my role in our friendship is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She has been planning a vacation to a nation I know well repeatedly and resided in previously. I tried to share advice, yet it was not welcomed. She really only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I have returned from a month in that country she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution requires bravery and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially is to state what typically happens during your discussions. It should be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. The second is to express her how it makes you feel. There should be no argument here. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to ask how you are both will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably effective in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they won't abandon because their very survival relies on it and it's all they trust. This is difficult when there seems no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out defensively and then think on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were truthful.